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Welcome to Sydney!

3/14/2018

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You know what you don’t want to happen before your long-anticipated vacation? Getting sick. I’m talking sore throat, cough, runny nose, chest congestion. The works. It caused some problems. Like doing a pretty crappy packing job. But oh well. I was going to get on that plane even if I had to be carried on, on a gurney. Luckily, it didn’t get to that.

The 15-hour flight to Sydney may have been the longest flight I’ve ever taken. I’m not the most relaxed while flying. Ok, that’s an understatement. If there’s even the slightest bit of turbulence, my whole life flashes before my eyes. Flying makes me nervous, so obviously a 15-hour flight, predominately over the Pacific Ocean, isn’t my idea of a good time. However, if you’re lucky enough to be able to book a business class ticket, which we did, at least you’re well fed and laying flat on your bed/seat while your life flashes before your eyes.

We left San Francisco International airport at 11:10pm on Monday and flew direct to Sydney. I ate, watched two movies and managed to fall asleep because a bout of turbulence woke me up. Deep breathing ensued. Eventually the shaking stopped and I fell back asleep. Next thing I knew, we were landing in Sydney and it was Wednesday morning at 9am. Where had Tuesday gone? Into space floating over the Pacific, I suppose.

After getting through customs, which was only a slight challenge because my passport photo is 7 years old and looks nothing like me anymore. Oh well. We were aboard the train into town. The trains in Sydney are so clean. They put any subway system in the U.S. that I’ve ridden to absolute shame.

We arrived at the Westin Sydney, and our room wasn’t ready so we freshened up at the nearby gym restrooms. The OCD germaphobe in me quickly tried to forget the situation inside that gym. In fact, I refused to mention any more about it. We started wandering around Sydney and exploring. One thing we noticed was that Yelp isn’t as widely used here as it is at home. In SF, I don’t do much or go anywhere unless Yelp tells me it’s a good idea. Here we had to rely on the few number of reviews we did find, a certain level of trust, or TripAdvisor.

My first impressions of Sydney are as follows: People are nice. Like really, really nice. They’re friendly, helpful and smile a lot. What a concept. The sun is intense. I later found out it’s because the hole in the ozone is right above us. The fact that I was sunburned after applying SPF 55 now makes some sense. The harbor is beautiful. Frankly, all major cities should be on the water.

We visited the Botanical Gardens and walked around and took in harbor views before our room was ready at the hotel. Later we enjoyed drinks and dinner at a really fun little restaurant called Farmhouse, which is owned and operated by four friends. We sat at the window looking into the tiny restaurant while we enjoyed our multi-course meal. Everything was excellent. I even ate lamb. I tasted pretty good, probably because my taste buds were dysfunctional from being sick.

The good thing about flying a day long red-eye is that you don’t have a super hard time adjusting to the time difference. Talk to me on the way back, that’s probably when I’ll be miserable.

Our second day in Sydney, we decided to hike from the Spit Bridge all the way to Manly. That’s 10km or 6+miles. I’d highly recommend this. However, don’t forget to bring water. And a hat. Have I mentioned that the sun here is a real bitch? Also, maybe don’t do it while you’re still sick because it involved a lot of stairs. I basically failed at preparing for this hike, but I made it to a Manly alive. That’s all that matters in the end, right? (There may or may not be a video of me drinking from a public water fountain for a few minutes straight at the end of the hike. If I was a dog my tongue would have been hanging out the side of my mouth.)

The views are spectacular and Jason finally allowed me to take out the selfie stick I purchased for this trip and use it to show the scenery behind us. (Probably because we were mostly alone on this hike and he wasn’t worried about being judged for bringing the girl with the selfie stick.)

That evening I was able to see my uncle Bahman and his sons Behzad, Babak and Babak’s wife Myra. We went up to the Sydney Tower and got 360 views of the entire city at night, which was great.

Day three we took an Uber to the famous Bondi beach and hiked along the cliff to Coogee. That’s much shorter than the previous day’s hike and I remembered that I’m a human and not a camel and brought water this time. Near Coogee there’s an old cemetery overlooking the ocean called Waverley Cemetery. Dead people have million dollar views in Sydney, apparently. We even stopped on a beach midway to lay on the sand. If swimming in oceans is your thing, there are tons of beaches to take advantage of in and around Sydney.

That evening we ventured to a new restaurant in the Paddington neighborhood of Sydney called Saint Peter for some excellent seafood. We followed that with drinks at a hidden speakeasy called Baxter Inn. Highly recommend both!

Saturday morning we decided to walk to the Sydney Fish Market. It’s packed with fresh seafood (including the biggest lobsters and crabs I’ve ever seen) and food stalls where you can eat. I don’t think I’ve ever had octopus, lobster and calamari for breakfast before, but when in Rome...

Later that day, we met up with friends of friends who had chartered a sail boat to cruise around Sydney Harbor for several hours. They invited us along. I’ve never been sailing before, so it was extra special to do it during my first time in Australia. That evening we joined our friends for dinner near Bondi Beach.

Sunday was our last day in Sydney and we spent the morning checking out the views of the city from Pylon point just at the base of the Sydney bridge. You could always shell out the $300 a person to climb the Sydney bridge, but it just didn’t seem like an appealing option to us. This was way more economical and the views are just as good.

Sydney was a blast but it was time to move to the next adventure. Tasmania, here we came!
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I’m BACK!

3/11/2018

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Well, my friends, it’s been a while. A long while. But I’m back. Basically, the last time you heard from me, I was single, traveling alone and about to embark on a major life change of moving back to California. I suppose we’ll have to fast forward a ways but before I do, here’s a quick rundown of how life has gone since I last left you all. I moved to San Francisco, started a new job, starting dating a new guy and then got a different job. Now it’s 3.5 years later and I’m coming to you from Hobart, Tasmania, in beautiful Australia! And that guy I met all that time ago is here too! I can’t complain. We started talking about making a trip here a few years ago. I’ve always wanted to see Australia and Jason’s mom was born and raised here so he was looking to get back and see more of the country.

Planning a 3 week trip is pretty hard, especially when it’s your first visit there. We relied on copious amounts of internet research and recommendations from friends and family who had visited before. A few months later, we’re here. Here goes the fun ride!
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Happy New Year!

1/1/2015

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While a new year is a time to reflect and think of what’s ahead, it is not a time to pressure oneself into overwhelming, over-exaggerated feats of human potential. Just be grateful for not only surviving but thriving this past year and look forward to what's in front of you. Happy 2015, everyone!

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Relationships, According to Yours Truly

10/1/2014

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The first thing that I have to put out there is that yes, I am almost 35 years old and single. I've never been married, never been engaged. I was recently in a long-term relationship and lived with that person, however. So there's that. But regardless, I am definitely very single right now. This fact may cause many of you to think that I'm not qualified to give relationship advice. But, what I think I'm very qualified because in my 34 years and some odd months, I've experienced a lot of relationship ups and downs which have led me to this point. This point being: single and HAPPY.

I've attended more weddings this year than should ever be socially acceptable, (Lots of love to those friends and family members!) But all jokes aside, it's been fun celebrating dear friends and dear friend-in-laws. Recently, I was at a wedding where I was participating in and also overhearing different conversations about relationships, specifically about whether people are ever really happily coupled or happily married. We also talked about people's fears of being alone. Now, any time you get people in a room to celebrate a couple's nuptials, you're bound to get into these types of conversations. Especially with other women. Let's face it, you rarely hear guys talking about this subject (at least not out loud, in public). We were talking about the difficulty of being alone and how hard it can be to move on after a failed attempt at everlasting love. We were also talking about the decision to go back to an ex or to jump into a new relationship immediately after a break-up.

Ladies, I hate to say it, but having the XX chromosome combo appears to automatically make us irrational, emotional and complicated, especially when it comes to relationships. I've been just as guilty of this as you have. We over-analyze. We blame. We freak out. We turn into psychos. When we break up, we allow pieces of ourselves to get lost and at the first chance we get, we jump in with two feet to do it all over again, either with the same guy (why!?) or someone new (still not better!).

Without getting too much into the nitty-gritty of what I've personally gone through in the last 10 or so years of dating, relationships and particularly heartbreaks, I want to share the greatest lesson I've learned. Which is: 

If it's not right, you know. Things just won't work out how you want them to, or how you think they should. And it doesn't matter how much you try. That whole, anything is possible if you put your mind to it, is absolute bullshit when it comes to making a relationship work that just isn't meant to be. If you choose to ignore the fact that you know it's not right and stay in it anyway, you'll never be happy and you'll get to a point where you're hanging by a thread and you feel like every bit of life has been sucked out of you. You have to accept the fact that something isn't meant for you, NO MATTER how difficult that acceptance is. Letting go will help you get to a better place. I PROMISE.

I'm not saying that relationships that ARE right for you are easy and don't require work. Quite the contrary. But when you spend every bit of time and energy into fixing something and you can't get it to work, then that says a lot. Life is telling you something. It's time you listened. It's time to throw in the towel and accept your fate.

I know this all to be a fact because I've been there. A lot. And right now, I've been single for almost a full year and I'm less stressed out and happier than I've been in a long, long time. Why? Because I'm not spending all my time and energy on trying to shove a square-shaped puzzle piece into a circle-shaped hole. 

There's no doubt in my mind that I love to love. I love to be loved. I love being in a relationship. But it took me a long time to realize that I don't love being in a bad relationship. I'd much rather be happily alone than unhappily coupled. 

To those of you who would rather be unhappily coupled just so you don't have to be alone or because you think loving someone is enough, I'd like to say this: despite what Hollywood, fairy tales and Nicholas Sparks novels tell us, just loving someone isn't enough. You have to love yourself. They have to love themselves. And you have to want and value the same things. All at the same time. 

OR. IT. WON'T. WORK. 

To those of you who stay in that unhappy coupling, I'd like to make a plea. Just try being single and alone for a while. Give it a shot. A real shot. Once you get over the initial shock and loneliness of it, especially if you've been with someone a long time, you will reconnect with yourself. It will feel better. You will feel better. All the sudden you have time to spend with family and friends and you'll realize what you were missing. And you'll realize what you weren't missing. 

Going from one relationship to another just to avoid being on your own is a ridiculous waste of your time. Going back to someone after you break up with them can also be a waste of time. You broke up for a reason, right? And it's called a BREAK UP for a reason. It's broken. Admit to yourself that you deserve more. Admit to yourself that your ex-partner deserves more. Think about yourself. Be selfish. You deserve, first and foremost, to be happy with yourself and secondly, to get back from someone everything you're putting in. If you're getting anything less than that, it's time to make some serious changes.

What I've learned over the last year is that, we only have control over ourselves. You're the only person who can get yourself to a place where you are happy. No one else can do that for you. If you're happy and accepting of yourself, you not only recognize your true worth, but you celebrate it, you embrace it. You don't let anything jeopardize it and you don't accept anything less. Accept the fact that you will find someone who will make you realize why it didn't work out with any of those other people in your past. If you're the best version of yourself, the right partner will only add to that happiness. (Just ask any of the fabulous couples I just witnessed tie the knot!)

Saying this doesn't make me a romantic. It makes me a realist. I'm speaking from experience here. If you do good by yourself and by others, you are putting positive energy into the world and it will definitely come back to you. You just have to keep doing what you're doing, be grateful for all the things you have and be patient. It will happen when it's meant to happen and not a minute sooner or later.

People ask me why I'm still single. I used to hate that question. It used to frustrate me. I used to think, "Well, if I knew, I would fix it! DUH!" But now that I'm in a good place, now that I'm older and wiser and have taken the time to look back on my past and the mistakes and the lessons, I appreciate the question and take it as a compliment. I don't see being single as a problem. When people ask me why I'm single now, I'm able to recognize when they actually mean, "You're so great, how is it that no one has swept you off your feet yet?!" (Thanks to all of you who say that, by the way.) 

My answer to this question started super long and complex. I used to be able to try to explain for hours. But my answer has simplified over the years. It's now down to eight little words: I. JUST. HAVEN'T. MET. THE. RIGHT. PERSON. YET.

The end.

And it truly is that simple. 
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Stress...

8/17/2014

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Ridin' Solo

6/30/2014

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While I was on my trip, my mom asked me what I liked and disliked about traveling alone. So I started to compile a list while I was still abroad and after spending some more time looking back, I'm happy to share my experience of what it was like spending so much time with me, myself and I. 

"You're traveling all by yourself?!" Yes, yes I am. I pretty much got the same reaction from everyone I met along the way. After the initial shock, they would give me a look like they pitied me, but eventually that look would change into an approving nod. But overall, nobody could fathom the idea that someone would take off and travel alone, let alone do it for 6 weeks.

So why did I go alone? I think this all ties into to my previous blog entry about why I decided to do this trip. I really felt that in order to connect to the parts of me that I was trying to tap into, I needed to be alone. As an only child, being alone is very easy for me. I grew up without siblings so I spent a lot of time by myself. (All you only children out there can probably relate.) I don't think this makes me an anti-social person, in fact, I think I'm just social enough. I may be quiet or shy around strangers but once that initial conversation is sparked up, I like to listen and talk. But obviously, another reason is, there's no one in my life who could or would take this amount of time off to come with me. I'd like to think that someday, when I decide to take an extended break and do this again (which I'll definitely be doing), I'll have someone special with me. But for now, I wasn't about to miss out just because I'm alone. Being alone is what made this whole trip possible.

With the exception of about a year, I've lived alone for the last 8 years. I like my space, I like my privacy and most importantly, I like to have a choice of whether to be by myself or around others. But I think the older I've gotten, the more I want to be around other people. And to be clear, that's other people that I know and love, not just random strangers.

During my month in Rome I didn't have too many moments where I thought, I wish I had someone with me. That part of the trip was devoted to the "me" time I needed and I didn't really look at it as a vacation, but as more of a retreat. I was able to get the most of my time because I was spending my days either out and about exploring Rome, or staying in my apartment thinking, reflecting and writing. I don't think I would have accomplished as much if I had been with others during this time. But as soon as I started the second part of my trip, the traveling to new cities I've never been, I started to feel like I was now on a vacation and therefore there were times each day where I felt a bit lonely and wished I had a friend, a boyfriend or a family member along for the ride.

On my last night in Munich I wrote the following in a notebook: 

This is it. This is the last night I'll be alone on my trip. And what am I doing with it? Laying in bed, looking at old pics and reminiscing. I feel like my journey to get to this journey was a long and difficult one. Maybe it wasn't so bad and I was the one making it difficult. Either way, I feel like it took forever to get here, to this peace, this serenity and this healthy state of mind. But here I am. I'm ready for the next chapter of my life. And it starts with my first trip back to Brazil and seeing my entire family together for the first time in years. After that, I return home to Ruby, to my friends and to a new job and life in San Francisco. I'll make new friends, hopefully find a nice guy to date and get to know the new city I'm calling home. But most importantly I'll be returning as an improved individual. Not a new Tina, but an improved Tina. Softer around the edges. Positive attitude. Calm, collected and focused, appreciating every minute of every hour of every day. 

So why did I take this trip and spend all that time alone? That's why. That paragraph above and every single word, every single feeling and each and every moment that trip gave me.  What else did I learn?

I learned that:
  1. You grow eyes on the back of your head, a ninja sense of awareness and magic spidey hearing (regardless of whether you understand the language or not.)
  2. You learn to enjoy the pleasure of your own company. 
  3. You realize that doing exactly what you want and only what you want, is pretty fantastic.
  4. You learn to adjust and adapt, regardless of how strange or foreign the situation is.
  5. You hardly ever totally alone.
  6. You'll actually enjoy talking to strangers.
  7. You will have moments when you're uneasy or unsure but those moments will pass quickly.

For those of you contemplating a trip alone... I urge you to do it. Take the plunge. I promise, you won't regret it. 
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Brazil... Home away from home

6/25/2014

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When people find out that my family lives in Brazil, the first thing they ask is... "Are you Brazilian??" Nope. "Do you always go and visit??" No. 

Sadly, I hadn't been to Brazil in years... 7 years to be exact. That's a long time. I don't know how so much time flew by without me visiting. But you know how life gets. First there's work, then there's school, then there's work again. There's all those other things that keep us busy on a daily basis and next thing you know, years have gone by in a blink. That's the number one reason to practice gratitude. If you stop, look around and be grateful for all the things you have in your day, you will experience your life and it won't feel like it flew by as quickly.  

When I was planning my soul-searching self Ph.D. trip, I knew the best way to end it would be to go back to Brazil and see my entire family, all together for the first time in I don't remember how long. After 6 weeks alone, I knew I'd be ready to see the whole clan and that I'd welcome the hugs, the laughter and the togetherness I've always shared with my family. Whether I'm physically around them or not, my family is a HUGE source of love. I feel it all around me every day despite the thousands of miles between us, but I was so excited to be there with them, in the flesh. One of the hardest things about living in Chicago, and one of the reasons I had to leave, was because I was so out of the way that I could only see members of my family one at a time, only a few times a year, and never all together. For someone who is as close to their family as I am, that's just not how I wanted to continue.

Now this wasn't just any time to visit Brazil, this was THE time. As in World Cup time. As in this only happens once every 4 years and this wasn't just a host country. This is THE host country. Futebol isn't just a sport in Brazil. Ask anyone and they'll tell you it's a religion. So what better time to kill three birds with one stone, right? I get to go see my family, see Brazil, and see a World Cup match. WHY NOT?! Oh and did I mention my favorite cousin, Sahm and one of my best friends, Allie, were coming for a week of it? YUP, this was going to be the best grand finale to any trip, in the history of trips.

In the 15 days that I spent in Brazil, we did more and saw more than I can even put into words. Here are some of the highlights:

World Cup Match in Curitiba: Iran vs. Nigeria. Even though it ended in a 0-0 tie, we had the BEST time from our incredible 4th row seats. Yes, we were in the Nigeria section, but we still had an unforgettable time! My dad, Allie, Sahm and I all got to go. The stadium was electric. And even though I was obviously rooting for the homeland, just being there, no matter who won or lost, was something I'll always remember. And the best part? Getting to share it with some of my favorite people on the planet. Bullet list item: CHECKED!

And even though a huge fuss was made about the safety issues for natives and foreigners during the World Cup, I'm happy to say we didn't experience anything shady the whole time we were there. Brazil did a good job keeping it together!
My uncle loves toys and for as long as I can remember I've listened to him say he was going to buy a helicopter. Well, this past year he finally did. And he also has a personal pilot to take him around in it. So, the brat that I am, much of my time spent in Brazil was spent in said helicopter. After a while, it just became totally normal. "What should we do today? Let's call Romolo (our pilot) and go fly around in the chopper." NO. BIG. DEAL. Is this real life? Apparently so. At least for 2 weeks it was... "Hey, you want to go land on that mountain over there?" "SURE!"  Ahhhhh, life.
One of the seven wonders of the world is the Iguazu Falls, which is located on the border of Argentina and Brazil. Sorry, Canada, but it makes Niagara Falls look like amateur hour. We flew there in the helicopter, about 2.5 hours there and 2.5 hours back. And we stayed in the beautiful hotel located inside the national park where the falls are located. The water was higher than it's ever been because of all the recent rainfall and it was like a giant caramel fountain because of the mud. We climbed to the top of the trail and then grabbed plastic raincoats (that really didn't help one bit with keeping us dry) and walked across the bridge over the falls. It was INSANE. 
No trip to Brazil is complete without stopping in Rio. So before the week was over, we took a day trip to spend the day there. This city is absolutely breathtaking. We took the tram up Sugar Loaf mountain for views of the city and it was AMAZING. Because of the World Cup craziness, we were sad we could only spend a day there, but we all knew we'd have to go back and spend some more time exploring the city and the famous beaches. 
Some of the other highlights included a road trip to the beach for fresh fish and oysters, drinking wine on the lake at Park Barigui with my Allie and a lunchtime getaway with my cousin and (shirtless) uncle. 
I really couldn't have asked for a better end to my trip and I'm so happy I got to spend time with my family and my friend. Of all the things I have done and seen during my two months away, Brazil holds a special place. Thank you to my family for making it feel like home. And thanks to Allie for being the only one of my friends who said she would come with me and actually DID! Love you all!
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Welcome to Bavaria

6/7/2014

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After spending a leisurely month in Rome, my time in Prague and Berlin were exhausting. Only four days in each city means I had to power through hours and hours of walking and sight seeing daily just to see everything I wanted to see. No time could be wasted! So I was really looking forward to a long train ride from Berlin to Munich. The train was one of those high speed Euro trains and my first class seat was comfortable and quiet. Exactly what I needed to regroup and relax. I listened to music and stared out the window, thinking about everything I'd seen and experienced these last few weeks and looking forward to what was yet to come. I never realized how big Germany was until those almost eight hours on the train...

When I arrived in Munich, I immediately noticed how different the city was from Berlin. Not better or worse, just different. Apples to oranges. It's more traditional, less modern, quieter, calmer, and more green. It's the capital of Bavaria and very charming. So I arrive at the main train station and get in a cab with my suitcase and say I'm going to the Charles Hotel and it turns out it's right down the street. Oops!! The cab driver was really nice about it though and dropped me off anyway. Never underestimate the power of a friendly stranger. I feel like so many cab drivers in so many different places would have yelled at me or kicked me out, so I really appreciated how nice he was to take me to the hotel anyway and I gave him a nice tip as a thank you. The experience ended up being positive and something I can now laugh about. We all have our moments when things do go our way but we have to try to avoid getting frustrated and just make the most of the situation. The Charles Hotel is beautiful and located right by the Botanical Gardens. After I checked in, I took a long walk through the gardens in an effort to explore what sights were nearby. Just a short walk away I stumbled across Munich's central square which is devoted to two of my favorite pastimes, SHOPPING and EATING.

This central square, called Marienplatz is a shopper's paradise. Lots of department stores and shops are mixed in with cafes and restaurants as well as fruit stands that sell whatever is in season for locals and tourists to snack on. I bought some apricots and cherries and was laughing at the fact that every one of the stands sold these summer fruit staples, as well as that German staple, the albino asparagus! Not exactly something you could snack on while shopping, but ok. Marienplatz leads to the outdoor food market, Viktualienmarkt, which is a foodie's dream. I honestly can't describe how gorgeous this market is. It's lively, friendly and organized. As you can imagine, between the shopping and the food, I spent a lot of time in and around this area of town. Nevermind that I can't pronounce any of it. (German is hard. Like, really really hard.) After hearing Italian, a beautifully romantic language, all around me for a month, the German language was the phonetically equivalent of a slap in the face. (No offense to all you Germans out there.)

Viktualienmarkt

The Viktualienmarkt market is seriously one of the best I've ever seen. According to my guidebook, over the years it's evolved from a small farmers market to a large popular market for fresh food which offers exotic ingredients that aren't available anywhere else in the area. It's also renowned for its diversity and size: over 140 stalls offer everything from flowers; to fruits and veggies; breads and pastries; fish and meat; herbs and spices; wine and tea. It's a shopper's paradise. If I lived here I'd forgo the supermarket all together as this market is a one stop shop for practically anything you need. And what did I love most? How organized everything was! The little bit of OCD in me absolutely loves when things are so in order. I usually get a certain level of anxiety when I'm confronted by disorganization, chaos or things that aren't symmetrical. (If anyone every needed to get crucial information out of me, the most effective torture method could be to tie me to a chair in front of a painting on that's hung crookedly on the wall.) So I was extremely happy walking around here. One day for lunch I sat down at the fish stand and had a giant grilled half lobster and a glass of prosecco. Coincidentally that same night I ended up eating pasta at my hotel that had fresh shaved truffles on it and I thought to myself, now THIS is the life. Lobster and truffles all in one day, can I be any more of a princess right now?! Oops. If only I got to eat like this all the time, eh? (And for the record, I DON'T, so stop rolling your eyes.)

English Garden

The Englischer Garten is a large public park in the centre of Munich, and by large I mean, LARGE. It's 1.4 square miles or 910 acres, making it one of the world's largest urban public parks, larger than the world's best park, NYC's Central Park (not that I'm biased or anything). This also makes it very easy to get lost in… And I did, for a LONG time. It was like a maze and finding the exit back out to the street was a major challenge, but it was a gorgeous place to get lost in. Not to mention, with tons of people sunbathing, picnicking and rowing/paddling around the lake in boats, there was a lot to see. There are rivers running through the park as well and apparently a section where surfers go to surf (who knew) but I didn't find that area despite spending hours walking around looking for it. At one point I had to just sit on a bench in the shade because I was hot and tired and had to focus on eating my ice cream quickly before it started melting down my arm. I found what looked like a giant golden potato sculpture and a ton of ducks and geese. I was there on a Saturday and between that and the fact that the temperatures were in the mid-80s, the park was packed! I wish I had known I would have brought my bathing suit and a towel and worked on my tan! Oh well.
I had some bad luck during my four days in Munich because two of those days ended up being a holiday in the city, so practically everything was closed. I was told that BMW World was cool to see, but it was closed during the holiday. I just wandered around and tried to entertain myself with whatever was open, one of which was climbing up the top of the Opatija am alten Peter tower for views of the city. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I paid the 2 euros to go in. It was an endless number of stars in a narrow tower, some of which were really steep and made of old wood that was falling apart and so narrow that two people couldn't pass each other and we had to take turns going up and down. I kept thinking, 'Dear self, please don't fall,' And 'Dear staircase, please don't break.' Not to mention, it was hot and sweaty in there but in the end, it was worth the workout. The views from up there were beautiful. Munich has gorgeous old buildings with bright orange rooftops and being up there, you got to see all of them clearly.
The architecture in Munich is very true to it's location within Germany, meaning it's very Bavarian. Before I got here I couldn't really tell you what Bavarian really looked like but as soon as I saw the old buildings and churches, I somehow knew they were true to Bavarian style. It all looks like it belongs in a Hans Cristen Anderson picture book. (And I'm not even sure how I know that.)

There was also a beautiful church nearby with handmade paper birds hanging from the ceiling and a lunch of spinach dumplings with tomato sauce and parmesan cheese that I devoured along with a cold beer. I'm not much of a beer connoisseur or a fan of dark beers but you can't NOT drink beer when you're in German. I just stuck to wheat beers which are light and refreshing in the summer heat.
These few days in Munich were my last few days traveling alone. After 41 days alone I'll be surrounded by my family in Brazil and even have one of my best friends flying in for a week of it. Bring it on!
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Berlin, With a Side of Hollandaise

6/6/2014

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When I was planning my trip, I was told time and time again that I absolutely HAD to see Berlin. I had been to Germany before, namely Frankfurt and a few other lesser known stops during my post-college tour of Europe in 2001. But I'd never been to Berlin and I decided it was about time I changed that.

The capital city of Germany is home to about 3.5 million people and although I would categorize it as a mostly modern city, it's known for it's tumultuous past. We're talking Nazis, fascists, a revolution, bombs, being ripped in half and then reunited and this is all in the fairly recent history!

I was staying at the lavish Ritz Carlton, which again, was a splurge on my part and not necessarily how everyone needs to experience this incredible city. But believe me, it doesn't hurt! This was one of the nicest hotels I've ever stayed in and I was sad when I had to leave it. Calling it luxurious is an understatement, and who doesn't love a little (or a lot) of luxury once in a while!? The Ritz offers high tea, so of course I had to partake one afternoon, because when it comes to tea and crumpets, I'm totally a wanna-be Brit.
The hotel is located in a great area that's walking distance to some of the most famous landmarks, such as the Brandenburg Gate and the Holocaust Memorial. I also found the Sony Center, which is a giant shopping center with restaurants and a movie theater right across the street. I suddenly realized a chick flick I'd been wanting to see was playing there in English and I have NEVER been to the movies alone, so I figured what better time than now? So one afternoon, I went and saw "The Other Woman" by myself and it was great! I can check 'going to the movies alone' off my list now. I also sat down at one of the Sony Center cafes and had a traditional German meal of veal schnitzel (politically incorrect meat, I know) and warm potato salad. The big vegetable of the season right now is asparagus, and not the normal green asparagus I'm used to but the white albino asparagus I've only seen a few times in the states. And here I am thinking, ok, finally a vegetable among all the fried stuff and carbs. Great! Um, well, it's covered in hollandaise sauce. EVERYTHING here is covered in hollandaise sauce. But who am I to question it, right? I don't see too many morbidly obese people walking around. Whatever, I'm in 'I refuse to care, I'm on vacation' mode.
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My politically incorrect lunch
I started walking around Berlin and there were lots of great things to do and see, such as the Brandenburg Gate and the  Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church which is still in partial ruins after being destroyed during World War II. I also stumbled across some beautiful fountains (why don't we have more fountains in the US?), some great architecture and beautiful views of the river.
Some of my other favorite highlights of Berlin were:

Holocaust Memorial
This memorial pays tribute to those murdered during the Holocaust and takes the form of 2,711 blocks of varying heights arranged across the area of a housing block. The first time I saw it I didn't even know it was a Holocaust memorial. I just thought it was cool public art. Basically it's both.
Shopper's Paradise
I found my happy place in Berlin, KaDeWe, Europe's largest department store. It basically makes Saks and Neiman's look cheap. (Yes, that's possible.) It's beautifully decorated and there's this great gourmet cafeteria on the top floor that features stations each specializing in a particular kind of food. I chose the potato station and had baked potatoes and a chicken and albino asparagus stew. Delicious! I could've spent hours in there, window shopping, dreaming and being jealous.
360 Views of Berlin
I love seeing cities from aerial views so I had to go to the Berlin Fernsehturm (the Berlin TV Tower). From 206 meters high, you see all of Berlin and there are guides and maps printed to show you what you're looking at from every angle. You never really know how big a city really is until you see it from above!
Fragrances Bar at the Ritz
On the way to find the bathroom during dinner at the Ritz one evening, I accidentally came across a bar called Fragrances. I knew I had to go in there because the concept was out-of-this-world cool. The bar's premise combines the sense of smell and taste. Basically, perfumes are paired with cocktail creation. You use your sense of smell to pick our drink. And no, there's no scratch-n-sniff paper menu. Upon walking in, the menu is laid out visually in a lineup of perfume bottles. In order to pick your drink, you smell the perfumes and find the one you like the most and the mixologist will make your drink to smell and taste like the perfume you chose. I know what you're thinking, I don't want to drink perfume. Well, the concept doesn't mean you'll be sipping on Drakkar Noir but the essence of it. (And no, Drakkar Noir isn't one of the choices sadly… or thankfully.) As the mixologist explained to me, through a number of trials they were able to find the combination of ingredients that replicated the smell of each of the featured perfumes which ranged from YSL to Guerlain to Armani. I was absolutely fascinated!! Each drink is served in a unique way, from glasses in buckets and birdhouses to those that resemble baby bottles. The one I chose was based on a YSL fragrance and it was served in a bottle that said Toilet Water and put into a giant bamboo pole. (No clue why.) I was told I could either take it out to drink it or drink it in the pole. After my first sip through the pole, I decided the risk of hurting somebody (or myself) with each sip was too high so I took the bottle out to enjoy it. Be warned that it's like $20 for a drink, but definitely worth the experience.
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Berlin Wall Memorial
Gedenkstätte Berliner Mauer (The Berlin Wall Memorial) is the central memorial site of the division of Germany, located in the middle of the city. Situated at the historic site on Bernauer Strasse, the memorial contains the last piece of Berlin Wall. The preserved historical remnants and traces of border obstacles on display help show the history of Germany’s division. I walked around and imagined people of older generations standing behind them, probably wondering when the division would end or if the wall would ever come down. I can't imagine living in such turmoil. Those of us fortunate enough to live in a more peaceful time and place often take it for granted, and when we see memorials like this one, we truly start to realize that despite all the chaos going on in the world right now, we really have it good. Imagine living in a country divided. Better yet, imagine living in a city that's divided. I vaguely remember the fall of the Berlin Wall. I was in the 5th grade. At the time, I couldn't grasp how important this was for Germany and for Europe. We have to remember how fortunate we are to live in place where we're not suffering from the direct effects of war, and how often we forget how quickly and easily that could change. My heart was breaking for all of those who have suffered in the world, past and present.
As I was walking around the memorial sight, I came across a cemetery. I decided to walk inside and it was one of the most beautiful cemeteries I've ever seen. So many of the graves were decorated with flowers and plants. If I'm ever buried (for the record I much rather prefer to be cremated) I would want my final resting place to be this beautiful. Needless to say, this was a very heavy day, but it can't all be fun and cocktails all the time. It's experiences like this that make us realize how important gratitude really is. I'm blessed and I know it...
Berlin is so vibrant and alive, I absolutely loved it. I would definitely jump on the chance to return someday… Now, on to Munich!
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For the Love of Prague; Part Two Begins

6/2/2014

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Alas, the time had come to say goodbye to Rome and to Italy. The views of the Italian coastline from the plane were amazing!
As I mentioned in my very first blog post, I'm looking at this trip in three parts. The second of which, begins with Prague, which has been high on my list of places to see for quite some time. Well, I finally made it happen! And I'm happy to report that it was even more beautiful and majestic than I expected.

Being in Prague is like being on a very colorful and luxurious movie set. It's elegant. It's clean. It's enchanting and romantic. Sometimes I thought it looked too beautiful to be real. According to my Rick Steves guidebook, Prague is known as the "Golden City of 100 Spires," as it boasts a fairytale medieval Old Town, historic churches and synagogues, and Europe's largest castle.

Prague is the sixth-most-visited European city after London, Paris, Rome, Madrid and Berlin. It's the only central European capital to escape the bombs of the last century's wars and is therefore one of Europe's best-preserved cities. Hence the abundance of historic architecture throughout the cobblestone streets. When you look around, you see a distinct collections of architecture from Gothic, Renaissance, Baroque, Rococo, and Art Nouveau. (So my guidebook says. Because frankly, I don't know the difference between those styles. To me it all just looks old and fabulous.) Prague is exquisite. I spent practically every second of my four days here in awe of how gorgeous it all was. The details were what really got me. The intricate designs and the gold inlay on some of the buildings were so beautiful.
Did I mention it's very clean? I love clean. I wondered how the city maintains it's cleanliness and one day when I was eating at an outdoor cafe, I got my answer. There are literally street janitors that walk around with brooms and portable vacuums, constantly picking up garbage from the streets. It's amazing! As someone who loves to clean, I got very excited. Not to mention after being in Rome for a month, where you see and smell garbage EVERYWHERE, I really appreciated this.

For the second part of my trip I didn't bother with AirBnB and trying to find an apartment for just 4 nights. The cities I'm visiting are all big and I decided I couldn't be bothered with trying to find something with a good location so I stayed true to my love and appreciation of 5-star hotels and stayed at the Mandarin Oriental. Go big or go home, right? And it was absolutely worth it. As much as I loved the experience of living in an apartment in Rome for a month, where I had to cook and clean and take out the garbage, it was so nice to be able to stay in a nice hotel and have everything done for me. Not to mention, I had access to an actual gym for the first time in a month and boy have I needed it! Not to mention the spa treatments I booked for myself! I've officially hit vacation mode, people. And it's fabulous.

After arriving at my hotel, I took the short walk to the famous Charles Bridge (or Karluv Most, as it's called here). The bridge crosses the Vltava river (yup, yet another amazing city with a river running through it) and was constructed between the 14th and 15th centuries. It's 621 meters long (about 1/3 of a mile) and has three bridge towers and 30 baroque statues, most of which depict various saints and patron saints. The statues were originally added to the bridge in the 17th and 18th centuries but were replaced with replicas in the 1960s when the originals were moved to the National Museum. There are artists and other vendors who have set up little booths all along the bridge, hoping to sell some of their work or trinkets to the thousands of tourists that cross it every day. It doesn't matter what time of day you go or what the weather is like, the Charles Bridge is always crowded. On my first day it was cold and rainy but it didn't stop the tourists from flocking. And it sure didn't stop me!
When you cross the Charles Bridge you get to Old Town Square which is home to the famous Prague astronomical clock (or Prague orloj). This medieval clock was first installed in 1410, making it the oldest working astronomical clock in the world. People crowd around it on the hour to hear the bells and watch it in action. At the top of every hour figures on the sides of the clock become animated and two windows open up to reveal 12 apostles greeting the city. On the sides of the clock you’ll see a skeleton ringing a bell, a Turk shaking his head, a miser with a purse full of money, and Vanity looking in a mirror. The whole performance ends with the crowing of a golden rooster and the ringing of the huge bell at the top of the tower. It's quite a production! According to my guidebook, each figure represents four things that were despised at the time of the clock's making: Vanity, represented by a figure admiring himself in a mirror; Greed, represented by the miser holding a bag of gold; Death, represented by the skeleton that strikes the time upon the hour; and Vice/pleasure, represented by the Turk. Old Town Square itself, is full of tourists and full of food stalls and cafes if you want to eat and people watch at the same time. Everywhere you look, you're surrounded by colorful buildings in that mix of architectural styles that I still can't identify.
No trip to Prague is complete without visiting the Prague Castle along with St. Vitus Cathedral, Old Royal Palace, Basilica of St. George, shop-lined Golden Lane, which are all right there. Elegance defined. I just wandered around the castle grounds but didn't go inside. The crowds were just too big and it was too beautiful of a day. In my head I'm picturing it as a smaller and maybe more modest version of Versailles from the inside, so I'm just going to go with that image until I can come back here in the winter. I would love to see Prague blanketed in snow, so maybe I'll make my way inside the castle when I'm back. But I did make it inside St. Vitus Cathedral to see the windows and it was some of the most beautiful stained glass I've ever laid eyes on.
During my time in this gorgeous city, I also spent one afternoon walking up Petrin Hill. I was so sore after that trek! It was so lush and quiet up there, which was a nice break from the hustle and bustle of the crowds in Old Town Square. It took me about 45 minutes of mostly uphill hiking to get up to the Petrin Observation Tower, which was built in 1891 and looks like a mini version of the Eiffel Tower. (Don't worry lazy people, if hiking up a hill isn't your thing, you also have the option of taking a tram up there.) The tower is only 60 meters tall, but when you add in the fact that it sits at the top of Petrin Hill, it's about 318 meters (or 1,043 feet) high. I bought a ticket and climbed the 299 steps to reach the top of the tower, where the views of the city are spectacular. The trip down wasn't quite as bad because it was now downhill and I ate a glorious Trdelnik pastry at the top, which gave me a happy sugar high. If I ever lived in Prague, these trdelniks would be the end of me.
So what are they? Trdelniks are actually Hungarian (like Kaiser Soze), originating from Transylvania (like Dracula). It's basically made from rolled dough that's wrapped around a stick, then grilled and rolled in sugar and cinnamon. When you order one (for about 50 Czech korunas or $2.50), it's taken off the stick and handed to you piping hot. You can just pull it apart and eat it while you walk around and explore. I lost count of how many of these I ate while I was there. And I miss them already.
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Trdelniks
Other than the trdelniks, I wasn't too impressed with Czech food. I mean, I did just come from Italy so it really wasn't fair to Prague. How do you compete with pasta, pizza and gelato? But they sure do love their carbs here and I can't complain about that. I ate a lot of bread with stuff baked into it, like cheese, cabbage and ham (which was a little odd) or olives. I did, however, love the Kulajda soup, which is a creamy Bohemian soup with dill, mushrooms, potatoes and a poached egg that you mix in. It was delicious!
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Kulajda soup
If you've never been to Prague, plan a trip ASAP. It's beautiful, relatively affordable and the people are so friendly (and atrractive). Can't wait to come back someday! Time to head to Berlin...

Train Ride to Berlin

One of the best things about Europe is that traveling by train is convenient and easy. It's also part of the fun. When I was planning the trip, I was sure I wanted to take the train for part of the way. So I booked a Eurorail ticket from Prague to Berlin, which was only about 4.5 hours and then from Berlin to Munich, which is just over 7 hours. It was a great idea. The time just flew by as I listened to music and stared out the window at the green Czech and German countrysides. For part of the way, there was a nice lady sitting next to me. We were chatting and she told me her kids both live in San Francisco. Small world! There were also a few guys from Australia who were sitting behind me and nice enough to help me lift my heavy suitcase onto the overhead shelf. It's always great to meet such nice people. Not to mention, being on the train was a nice change from being on a plane. I loved it. It was comfortable and quiet and you don't have to deal with the anxiety that comes with airport security lines. I highly recommend it.

Next up: Berlin!
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Lessons From a Month in Roma

5/28/2014

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Here I am. The last full day in Rome and half way through my trip. My time here has flown by, just as life does. And every moment has been precious. It feels like yesterday that I was smiling at a cranky taxi driver, getting off an ancient elevator and walking into my "home away from home." 30 days and endless memories. 30 days and endless lessons learned. I wouldn't change a single minute.
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Plaque on the front door of my apartment
I wasn't just visiting Rome, I was actually living here, and that was my goal all along. But that's the thing about goals, people usually set them and do everything to achieve them, but they don't enjoy the process before the end result. I'm so grateful I didn't just wish that I would live here someday. I actually made it happen for myself and the process was priceless.

So how do I sum it all up? Well, here's my best attempt.

Lessons Learned:

  • I observed tourists all over Rome, snapping away on cameras, big and small, iPhones and iPads (embarrassingly) and not really stopping to enjoy their surroundings. I kept wanting to ask them if they were really looking at what they were taking pictures of, whether they were really experiencing what was happening around them, or whether they just wanted to look back on those pictures later knowing that once upon a time, they had been standing at that exact spot. I learned that being mindful doesn't come naturally to us humans. It definitely hasn't come naturally to me. It's an everyday practice that needs to be learned and consciously cultivated. Being here made me realize how important being mindful really is and that I'd like to put in that conscious effort to live in the moment  every single day. It doesn't matter if I'm traveling to a new place, in the same car driving to the same grocery store, or walking my dog as the sun is setting. Every moment counts. Every moment is great, because you're alive and you've living it. You can't forget to enjoy it.

  • A few weeks ago, when I was at the Modern Museum inside Villa Borghese, I noticed a couple going from painting to painting, sculpture to sculpture a few steps ahead of me. The man would stop and instead of taking pictures of the art, like everyone else, he was taking pictures of his wife. To him, she was the masterpiece. He was capturing her from every angle, her expressions as she took in the art around her. I was just watching them, admiring them. They were different from the other tourists I had encountered. It was like they were enjoying the experience of being in that museum and trying to capture it and those were the memories they wanted to take with them. I realized how much I look forward to the day when someone looks at me like I'm a real masterpiece. And just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't. The best has yet to come.

  • Love comes to us in all forms. If you're lucky like I am, you have people in your life, near and far, who want you to succeed, to find happiness and to be that better version of yourself you're trying to get in touch with, all while loving every single version of you you've ever been. I may have been alone in Rome, but I've never been alone in this journey. My family and friends are at the center of the many blessings I have in my life. They have taken the time to talk to me, email me, text me, and follow along by reading this blog and looking at pictures I post online. They give me so much to look forward to for when I'm home, for future trips I'm going to take and celebrations I'm going to attend. I want to make them feel as loved and cared for as they make me feel on a daily basis.

  • Many times during this month I found myself at the metro station trying to get home or on my way somewhere during rush hour. Let me tell you, the people of Rome don't care who they have to shove just to get on a train. No one seems to understand or respect the concept of "personal space" and I witnessed a few arguments and minor fights as people struggled to get on and off the train. If you're claustrophobic, I suggest you stay away from the metro in Rome, especially during certain hours. Of course in my head I was comparing it to my experiences with the subway in New York or the L in Chicago. Yes, they too get busy and awkward, but never did I witness people pushing and shoving to this extent. Usually people only step inside the train if they see room or they roll their eyes and mumble a cuss word or two under their breath and wait for the next train. I definitely prefer it that way. But you learn to adapt. After experiencing the unpleasantries and minor anxiety of the metro, I adapted. I would try to go to the very first car, which is usually less crowded, wait for the next train or even walk all or part of the way home. Although the unpleasantries of life can't always be avoided, picking up on possible solutions or adapting to your environment is the key to making the experience a bit more painless. Accept what is and that it will eventually be over and behind you.

  • When you're paying attention, it's usually the little things you remember. Like the fact that no one is Rome seems to have a clothes dryer in their home, just a washer. I think this might be the case for all of Europe because the apartment I rented in Paris last year had no dryer either. Everyone hangs their clothes outside to dry, like people did for generations. As I hung my laundry out every week, I was reminded of all the little luxuries we have that we take for granted. No one really needs a clothes dryer, but in the states most of us are lucky enough to have them. It's a convenience but not a necessity. I also noticed that although I packed lightly for this trip, I didn't really need about half the stuff I brought. Having a washer obviously helped, but I realized how little I actually needed on this trip and how easy it was to live with minimal material things. (Plus, when you're alone and can avoid judging yourself, it's ok to wear the same outfit twice in one week. Because, guess what? The universe will go on, even if you wore the same shirt on Tuesday and Friday.) Just be happy you have clean clothes on your back.

  • I realized that at first I was reluctant to sit at a restaurant or cafe to eat alone. But as the days went by, it became easier and easier until it was basically second-nature. There's nothing wrong with being alone, eating alone, traveling alone. It may be challenging for some (more than others) but I promise you'll learn a lot about yourself. The experience is enlightening if you're willing to give it a try. As with most challenges in life, if you just give it a shot, you might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. Or you might say to yourself, as I am now, I'm comfortable being alone. I often enjoy it. But I also enjoy being with the people I love and I enjoy meeting new people. It's balancing all that that makes life so magnificent.

  • I already knew that Italy has amazing food, but I truly got to experience it. I want to start a petition that will declare gelato the fourth official meal of the day. I learned that eating an entire pizza by yourself is not only possible but completely acceptable. That no one needs a venti sized coffee, because a tiny, single shot of really good espresso gets the job done beautifully. That you don't have to deprive yourself of all the little indulgences that make your taste buds sing just because they might not be great for your waistline. Splurge once in a while. That little happy dance you do on the inside is absolutely worth it.

  • I realized that all the major cities that I happen to love more than anything have a river running through them (NYC, Chicago, Paris, Rome, etc). I have been so lucky to have lived in New York and Chicago. I'm excited to add San Francisco to my list (even though there's no river) and maybe someday, I'll live in Paris too. The world is a beautiful place with endless possibilities, as long as you let yourself see it that way.

  • And the greatest lesson of all? This is my life. Whether I'm being pushed around on a crowded subway, eating a giant pizza alone, crying while I watch a sad movie, reading an inspiring book, walking my dog, hugging my mom, or sitting alone, writing for myself, the people I love and strangers alike; these are the moments to be grateful for. And I promise myself, to never ever take any of it for granted.

It's clear to me that regardless of the lesson, it all comes back to showing gratitude. My main goal in life is to live. To embrace it and enjoy it, even when bad things happen. To set goals and challenge myself every day, even when I'd rather avoid it. To make the special people in my life aware of just how much they mean to me, even when they irritate or annoy me.  But more than anything, to enjoy the process that makes up this beautifully chaotic thing we call life. BE GRATEFUL.
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Quote of the Day

5/27/2014

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"So, why are you taking this trip?"

5/23/2014

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The answer to the question, "Why are you taking this trip?" isn't a short one. But I've gotten it frequently enough over the last few months and especially these last 3 weeks, to want to address it on this blog.

As soon as anyone hears about my trip, they ask if my goal is to "find myself." It's a fair question. People have been known to use travel as a means of escape when they're confused, hurt, miserable and lost. But what a lot of people don't realize is that just because you get on a plane and go somewhere far away doesn't mean you'll come back feeling any better about yourself or knowing exactly who are you.

I don't take offense to the assumption that my primary purpose these two months is to find myself. But it's just that, an assumption. The thing is, I'm not lost. I didn't feel lost when I decided to take this trip, and I didn't feel lost right before I got on the plane. This isn't about finding something I don't have. It's about getting in touch with everything I do have.

Let me explain.

I'm an only child. I spent most of my childhood surrounded by more adults than children. The closest bonds I established as a kid were with adults. People always told me I was mature for my age. (Thanks, people!) But the thing is, I didn't really have a choice. I didn't know any other way to be. I was brought up to be strong. I was taught to be confident and to truly value myself. There have been times when I have forgotten the importance of having that value and respect for myself, but it's always temporary. I always end up remembering. But I think there is always room for improvement. There is always a need to see what you don't like about yourself and work towards changing it. No one should ever stop trying to better themselves. Life is a journey and the day you stop learning and growing and bettering yourself is the day you should just roll over and call it quits.

People always say that your 20s are for confusion and making mistakes so you can find yourself in your 30s. I don't think that applies to everyone. I think I found myself in my 20s. I can't tell you what year it was or in what moment I was confident I knew who Tina was, but I just knew. Maybe I knew long before that. Maybe I just didn't realize I had known all along, until I was in my 30s.

These last several years, I've taken risks and I've welcomed change. I opened myself up and took leaps. Sometimes those leaps lead me to a new chapter, sometimes I crashed and burned. But I did these things because I knew I could handle them and because I knew I would be better because of them. I'm now 34 and I've taken two months away for myself in order to refine the person I already am. They say, "Sometimes you win. Sometimes you learn." It couldn't be more true. I never want to stop learning about myself.

I'm traveling to become a better person. I'm putting myself in these situations so that I practice being 100 percent present in each moment, in my skin, in my head, to think and connect with my true self, all while outside of my bubble and my comfort zone. I believe this will ultimately help me be present in each moment when I return to that comfort zone. The point is, I'm challenging myself and it's bringing me closer to ME.

I'm trying to think before I speak, to take a breath before I react. To keep my demeanor calm and collected, even in the most frustrating of situations. To keep my voice low, even when my initial instinct is to scream. To slow down and not try to rush through each day. To keep my cool even when I'm dealing with others who aren't. To be positive and encourage positivity in others. To not let fear get the best of me in any situation. To be kind. To make an effort to listen not just talk. To realize that I can't control every situation and understand that what I can control are my actions and reactions. To live each day with humility and grace. To not only tell the people I love that I love them but to show them every day. These are all parts of myself that I haven't paid enough conscious attention to. These are all things I NEEDED to pay attention to. That's what this trip is about.

Regardless of all I've endured these last several years, I haven't lost myself. If anything, every year, I found out more about who I am through my experiences, my choices (whether they end up as triumphs or mistakes), and my reactions to the consequences of those choices. After coming off a tough year, I needed this reconnection. I needed to be my own mirror. The point is, the strong, self-respecting person inside me never went anywhere, she was just buried under a pile of negativity that she let accumulate the last few years. On this trip, I'm digging myself out.

The goal is to spend this time alone reconnecting with myself so successfully, that when I return home to my "normal" daily life, that connection will be so strong that I'll be able to continue refining myself on a daily basis, effortlessly and whole-heartedly.

So to answer the question, no. I'm not looking to find myself on this journey. I'm looking to better myself. And I think I'm well on my way.

Thank you to my family and friends for the support they've given me from the minute I started talking about taking this trip, throughout planning it and every minute since.

I love you and am so grateful for you all!

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Quote of the Day

5/23/2014

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The Magic of the Amalfi Coast

5/21/2014

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I had seen the pictures too. I had heard the stories as well. But nothing could really prepare me for the beauty that surrounded me and the amazement and gratitude I felt that I finally got to see the Amalfi Coast. When we arrived, I stood there in silence and just took it all in. I was speechless. I was dumbfounded. I was in absolute heaven. This is life. Moments like these. This earth is full of amazing places and I was lucky enough to be standing in one of them.

We drove a good part of the narrow coastline road that runs along the southern side of the Sorrentine Peninsula. Green cliffs, colorful villas, sparkling blue/green water and lemon trees make up the gorgeous views. Our first stop was in the town of Amalfi, a popular destination for tourists visiting Italy. There were tour buses everywhere, but not even that could take away from what was all around me. We followed that up with lunch in Positano, one of the coast's most luxurious and beautiful small towns. Spring is the perfect time to go, because the sun shines, the temperature is just about perfect and the flowers are in full bloom. Summers are hot and very busy, and the coast shuts down during the winter months.

This is hands down, the most beautiful place I've ever visited. If you've never been, I hope these pictures inspire you to make your way to the Amalfi Coast. It's truly breathtaking. I will definitely be going back someday!
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Quote of the Day

5/19/2014

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Eating My Way Through Rome

5/17/2014

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Food is a huge part of the Italian culture. Food is love. Food is family. Food is the beginning, middle and end of a conversation. Most of the shops and restaurants that have been around for decades here in Rome are owned and operated by families. The ownership, work and recipes are passed down from generation to generation and it makes the entire dining experience here heartwarming and special.

When I was doing research for this trip, I knew I wanted to experience Rome's food scene and I knew that tours could be a good way to do that. I came across a company called Eating Italy, which specializes in walking food tours around certain neighborhoods in Rome. You pick a neighborhood and a date, sign up and pay online, and show up at the meeting point on the day of your tour to experience the best that area has to offer. For four glorious hours you're guided through that neighborhood by a local English-speaking expert and given different kinds of food to try. I signed up for two of these tours. The first of which was a tour of Testaccio, the second, a tour of Trastevere.

Testaccio

Testaccio is often referred to as the "real" Rome, meaning the streets and the people are as authentic as it gets. Rome's foodie scene began in this area, as much of the Tiber River trade took place near here. Back in the day, food such as honey, sugar, wine and olive oil was transported in terra cotta pots called amphorae. In the center of Testaccio, there is a man-made hill called Monte Testaccio, which is stacked high with pieces of broken amphorae.

We learned quickly that Testaccio is the perfect place to go experience Roman cuisine at it's finest. Not to mention, it was a nice change to be away from the crowds that surround Rome's most popular attractions. We were the only tourists around!

So what did we eat? Well, what DIDN'T we eat?!

We started with an Italian breakfast staple, the cornetti, which is basically a croissant, which I'm already totally obsessed with. Cornetti come plain or might be stuffed with jam or custard. And we followed that up with Tiramisu in a mini chocolate cup. Tiramisu translates into "pick me up" in Italian, because traditionally, the dessert contains lady fingers soaked in espresso. Both delicious!
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Cornetti and Tiramisu
We followed that up with a slice of Roman style margherita pizza, my mom's favorite and pretty much the only thing she ate the whole time we were in Italy years ago. My mom can thank Queen Margherita for the invention of this simple delight. Just homemade tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese. The addition of basil, which most of us are used to seeing on margherita pizza in the states, is actually not an authentic Italian addition and most places here will give you just the plain cheese pizza with no basil or sometimes a piece of basil as a garnish. The Roman-style pizza crust is fairly thick (almost the same thickness of foccacia bread) so even one piece can be a hearty lunch.
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Pizza Margherita
Then we headed to a salumeria to try prosciutto di San Daniele (I'm also totally obsessed with any kind of prosciutto), pecorino al tartufo (sheep's milk cheese with truffles) and parmigiano reggiano cheese. I generally don't like to eat anything associated with sheep. I don't like lamb and I haven't liked any sheep's milk cheese I've tried at home. But of course I wasn't going to pass up a chance to try the Italian kind. And I'm glad I did. I noticed right off the bat that the sheep's milk cheese in Italy is quite mild and less gamey than I had tasted before. It was quite delicious. 
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Salumeria
Eating Italy's food tours, although filled with tons of great food, are also good for people who like to learn about the history of the city. In Testaccio, we stopped at the famous Protestant Cemetery, home to the grave of the poet John Keats. It's a gorgeous cemetery. As a kid I had this irrational fear of cemeteries and up until a few years ago, I wouldn't go anywhere near them. But things change. Now I don't think of them as creepy or scary. They can be beautiful places to visit. I'll likely go back here and spend some more time inside.
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Protestant Cemetery
We followed that up with a visit to the large Testaccio outdoor food market. This market is different from the farmer's market's most of us are used to. It's not just huge but really organized. Every vendor has a large stand and after decades of being in the business they all know each other. It's not just a place where locals go to get their food, it's like a nice meeting place to catch up with old friends. At the market, we tried bruschetta (which I continue to pronounce correctly; confirmed by an actual Italian) and caprese salad made with buffalo mozzarella cheese. This was one of my favorite parts of the day. (So much so that I forgot to take pictures of it all.)

We also tried the famous Sicilian cannoli. (I get it now, Godfather, I'd "leave the gun, take the canolli," too.) The canolli we tried was made with sweetened sheep's milk ricotta cheese, chocolate chips and pistachio. And again, to my surprise, it was AWESOME.
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Cannoli
Now you think at this point we'd be full but it was time for lunch. We walked to one of Testaccio's famous restaurants and tried three different kinds of pasta, including my personal favorite, pasta carbonara. Now this is where I learned that all the ridiculously good carbonaras I had tried at home were in fact, impostors. Real carbonara is made with egg yolks and no cream. Therefore it has a bright yellow color and is actually not as bad for me as I once thought. Carbonara is a Roman staple and is made with guanchale (cured pork cheek) instead of panchetta.

As if we still needed more food, we followed that up with a fried ball of goodness known as a suppli. This particular one was made of risotto with meat and cheese. I was so full at this point but I still ate it up faster than you can say suppli.
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Pasta Carbonara
And finally, no meal is complete without dessert so we had to get some gelato. Before we got to eat, we got a lesson on what to look for if you want authentic gelato. For the record, it's mostly common sense. (Pistachio shouldn't be bright green, banana shouldn't be bright yellow, etc.) But I did learn that you can ask for free whipped cream to top it off and the smartest thing is to get a combination of flavors like chocolate and hazelnut or my choice today, almond and pistachio.
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Pistachio and almond gelato with whipped cream
After these few hours I needed a major nap. I'm talking serious carb-induced coma here. But I was so happy that I chose to do this tour and I was delighted to make some friends along the way. Shout out to Peggy and Barb from Toronto and thanks to our guide, Domenico and Eating Italy for a great tour!

Trastevere

Trastevere is just across the river from central Rome's famous ruins and yet when you're walking around you feel a very down-to-earth neighborly appeal. By night, this is the place locals go out to bars and clubs. But by day, it's peaceful, quiet and laden with the images of those romantic narrow cobblestoned streets we're all used to seeing in movies. It's also a center for great food.

My second Eating Italy tour was here in Trastevere and it was spectacular. I got to the meeting sight early so I could drink a breakfast cappuccino. And it tasted just as magical as it looks. The food tour began with a small creme puff-like pastry. And I could have eaten 15 of them. Then another suppli, this time, the standard Roman style of risotto cooked with a tomato and meat sauce, rolled into a ball with a piece of mozzarella, breaded and fried.

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Can you think of a better way to start the day?
The next stop was one of two highlights of the day for me. We got to try porchetta, an amazingly delicious boneless pork roast. The pig is deboned and stuffed with salt, pepper and rosemary and slow roasted, traditionally over wood. The porchetta we tried was as authentic as it comes because it was imported from Ariccia in central Italy, where this type of roast originated. The crispy pork skin has a rich taste and intense crunch and when you take a bite of that along with the juicy salty meat, you just want to do a happy dance. I wanted to take that giant roast home with me!!
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Porchetta (AKA I've died and gone to pork heaven)
Now it was time to hit up the small Trastevere market for some fresh fruit, jam and cheese. I love jam and I haven't really had it with cheese before. But I'm all about trying new things and the combination of savory and sweet was delicious. And you can't go wrong with blood oranges from Sicily!
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Fruit and cheese with jam from the market
We followed that up with more margherita pizza and then some delicious gelato before sitting down for a pasta and wine lunch. We devoured our ravioli, fettucine with mushrooms and Rome's specialty carbonara as we sipped a white wine blend. The sun was shining and sitting outside to lunch was super relaxing.
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Three pasta lunch
After our carb overload, we went to an old family-owned cookie factory to try some of the delicious cookies they bake fresh multiple times a day. As expected, it smelled incredible in there!
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If only the Cookie Monster knew about this place!
Our final stop was extra special. We went to a place called Spirito di Vino, one of the top restaurants in all of Rome that's located in a building that's older than the Colosseum! We got to tour the ancient wine cellar and later sat down for some moscato dessert wine and a delicious cold Italian version of creme brulee. It was rich and incredibly delicious!
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Last stop with the group in Trastevere
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Amazing creme brulee
I had a great time, thank you to our guide Jasmin and Eating Italy for another great tour. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go jog around Rome four or five HUNDRED times...
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Words to live by...

5/15/2014

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I read this quote today and I wanted to share it because it embodies the exact mentality and way of life that I'd like to abide by. And the exact words I'm consciously trying to live by...
Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. Not in loud words but great deeds. To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

-Christian D. Larson
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Cause you gotta have faith, faith, faith…

5/11/2014

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My apartment in Rome is located in The San Giovanni district, which is one of the most ancient area of the city. According to my city guide, San Giovanni is the definition of “authentic Rome.” The neighborhood is replete with Renaissance buildings and home to San Giovanni in Laterano, the first church in the city of Rome, which opened in 318 A.D. The church used to serve as the center of Catholicism and the home of the popes until the renovation of St. Peter's and the expansion of the Vatican. So as you can imagine, to Romans and Catholics everywhere, this church is a big deal, rich with history.
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San Giovanni in Laterano
Even now, San Giovanni in Laterano serves as the home to the Bishop's Chair, known as the "cathedra." When a new Pope is elected, he's not officially the Pope until he sits in this chair within one month of his election. The current Pope, Francis, sat his holy rear-end there on April 7, 2013 and became Pope Francis. Before walking into the the church, I noticed the large bronze door depicting the Virgin Mary and the Baby Jesus. Mary's pinky finger and Jesus' foot are so worn from people touching them, that they glow in gold, a sign of those who believe touching the representations of these figures can bring them whatever it is they've been praying for. 
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Noticeable signs of prayer
An interesting and slightly creepy fact about San Giovanni in Laterano is that above the main alter, there's a cage containing silver statues of St. Peter and St. Paul. Within those statues are pieces of each of their heads. (Yes, you read that correctly.) According to my guidebook, archaeologists gossiped that the Vatican tested DNA from St. Peter's head (located here) and his body (which is buried at St. Peter's at the Vatican) and they didn't match. So either this is not a piece of St. Peter's head, or that's not his body. Why hasn't there been an episode of CSI centered around this yet?! I guess, what matters is what people choose to believe and to Catholics who come here from around the globe, St. Peter (and his head) will always be a big deal since he was known as the first bishop of Rome and the first Pope by the Roman Catholic Church.

There were several confessional booths within the church, and each one had office hours and a list of languages spoken by the priest on duty who was taking confession. We all sin in different languages, I suppose. It's nice to know that between the hours of 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. the Polish speaking priest will hear your sins while the English speaking priest takes his break. All sarcasm and jokes aside, this was a beautiful church and even though I'm not Catholic, I always like spending time in churches. I especially like when mass is going on and you hear the hymns or the large organ playing. The echos leave me feeling like there truly is some kind of great presence looking down from the tall, golden ceilings. 
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The priest will see you now...
Regardless of my religious background, or lack thereof, I like the ritual of lighting a candle for the deceased and making an offering in the memory of those I've lost. However in San Giovanni in Laterano, there aren't candles but boards that contain small lights that flicker on when you make a donation. Not sure if they're worried about a fire hazard, but in my opinion, these lights just don't have the same mystical effect. The candle lighting will just have to wait...
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Light a candle?
A few days after visiting San Giovanni in Laterano, I went to St. Peter's Basilica. (I mean I visited St. Peter's head, I figured I should go pay my respects to his body as well.) The Vatican as a whole is a lot to take in but for now, I was just there to see St. Peter's. The Sistine Chapel and the Museum will be for another day. (Stay tuned.) My focus was the basilica because I was continuing to think about faith. Only here, all I saw was metal detectors, thousands of tourists doing their best impressions of the paparazzi and a giant gift shop. This was nowhere near the experience I had at other churches throughout the city. I understand that the Vatican and St. Peter's are a huge tourist attraction here in Rome, but all of those things really took the sanctity of faith and religion out of the experience. No offense to anyone, but I felt like I was there to see a show. Like I wasn't in a church but an auditorium of some kind. 

St. Peter's Square is a beautiful work of art in itself. There's an Egyptian obelisk in the center of the square, one of dozens throughout Rome, which is made of solid granite and weighs over 300 tons. 
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St. Peter's Square
On this particular day, there were thousands of chairs set up, probably for one of the Pope's upcoming addresses.
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A sea of chairs waiting for the Pope
In order to enter the basilica, you have to wait in line and go through metal detectors. Not a normal church-going experience. Although I noticed that some people were setting off the metal detectors and no one was checking as to why. Maybe a bit counterintuitive, but who I am to judge. The line seemed long when I got in it but later I realized that it could have been a lot worse. After I walked in, with what seemed like thousands of other people, I couldn't deny the grandeur of St. Peter's. It's breathtaking. And very very big. The golden window at the far end is two football fields from the entrance! The church covers six acres and has a capacity of 60,000 worshippers. (And it seemed like there were close to that many people in there with me.)
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Inside St. Peter's Basilica
Towards the end of high school and in my early college years, I had a love of art history. I considered studying it for a hot second and when asked what other professional I'd love to be doing I still say I'd be an art historian and restorer because I love art (and I love to clean). That can always become my fall back career, I suppose. Michelangelo's story was always a favorite of mine and so it's one of the main reasons I wanted to visit the Vatican again. His work is everywhere. Starting with Pietà his statue of Mary holding the body of Christ after his crucifixion. He was only 24 years old when he completed this remarkable piece.  Apparently in 1972, a crazy person came in with a hammer and began hacking away at the piece. The damage was repaired but since then the Pietà has been behind protective glass. I couldn't get too close because there were a ridiculous number of people taking series of pictures on their cameras, iphones, ipads, etc. It was like being in front of the Mona Lisa again. In my opinion, the Pietà is truly something special! (No offense, Leonardo Da Vinci.)
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Michelangelo's Pietà
A new addition to St. Peter's is the Tomb of Pope John Paul II, who died in 2005. I remember I was in Switzerland for work when he passed away and it was the only thing on the news for days. His tomb was moved from the Chapel of San Sebastian in 2011 after he was considered blessed by Pope Benedict XVI and in 2013 he was elevated to the level of sainthood. Apparently the process of declaring someone a saint usually takes a long time but for Pope John Paul II, the process is moving very quickly. Last time I was here, this was just an alter with a painting of St. Sebastian but now it's this beloved Pope's tomb. 
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Pope John Paul II's Tomb
The whole time I was here I got to thinking about experiences. I was looking around and really trying to take it all in, but I noticed that most of the people around me weren't doing the same thing. They were just going from monument to monument, sculpture to sculpture taking an endless number of pictures. I kept wanting to shake them and say, "Stop! Take a minute and really LOOK at what you're taking those pictures of! Take it in! Savor it! Live in this moment! What's the point of taking those pictures? So you can see something later that's in front of you now?!" Every picture I took inside, only the few you're seeing, I took after I spent a few minutes just staring.
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So many paparazzi behind me
As I scanned the faces and gestures of the (few) believers who were actually there for the afternoon mass, I started thinking about faith. People have debated the pros and cons of organized religion for centuries but what I chose to see here, is faith itself. In my opinion, there's no right or wrong answer as to whether practicing a specific religion is beneficial to people. I believe that having faith is beneficial. I honestly didn't feel a strong presence of faith around St. Peter's. And that's ironic for such a grand church with such a rich religious history. 
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Worshippers at St. Peter's
So what does faith mean to me? I think faith is hard work. It's a practice and a habit. Faith is placing trust in the knowledge that something much bigger than you plays a role in your destiny and admitting that neither you nor that entity is completely in control of all the things that occur in your life. I think when you have faith, you also have to act. The act of recognizing that you need to do something and then doing it. There's a God complex in all of us. And as they say, "God helps those who help themselves." To me, faith is a personal journey.

I believe in a higher being and I respect the choice that people make to go to church and pray and participate in any ritual that brings them enlightenment and peace. But to me, it might just be as simple as that. As Douglas Adams once wrote, "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" As I see it, the garden is beautiful and that's enough for me.

I don't often visit churches when I'm home, unless I'm attending a wedding or a funeral. I feel like with the exception of a rare few, churches, mosques and other religious buildings in the US aren't really considered tourist attractions. But being in Europe, I can't help but venture inside to admire the architecture, the stained glass, the paintings and frescos, and I choose to see the positives of all they represent. Faith. Belief. Unity. 
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In the words of the great George Michael, "You gotta have faith."
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The Beauty of Disconnecting

5/9/2014

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We are all addicted to our phones. I don't know a single person who isn't. Smartphones have taken over the world and one can undoubtedly argue that they're both amazing and horrible all at the same time. 

One phrase I've been hearing lately is "digital detox." One of my goals on this trip was to partake in this phenomenon. Throughout my daily life, and I mean all day every day, regardless of what I'm doing, I rarely go longer than an hour without picking up my phone, swiping right and texting, Tweeting, Facebooking, Instagraming, calling, surfing the web, or taking pictures. The more technology comes our way the more tasks we're able to do from the palms of our hands, all with a few swipes of a finger. That power is fantastic, yes. But it's also destroying our attention spans, our relationships with other human beings and most importantly, mindfulness of all the little details that make up the lives we're living. 

Before I left for my trip I was trying to rely on my iPhone less and less in order to ease myself into the transition I knew I was going to demand of myself while I was abroad. No one should try to quit anything cold turkey, because as with most addictions, the failure rate would just be too high. Yes, I said addiction, because like so many of you, I'm knowingly addicted to my smartphone. 

One of the many goals of this trip, was to get a break from that addiction and disconnect. You're probably thinking, well, she's obviously connected if she's blogging and posting regular updates. Yes, I'm connected online as I'm writing right now, but the difference is, that's the only time I'm connected; when it's evening time and I've come home after being out all day, doing whatever I've done. 

Since I've been in Italy, I only carry my iPhone around (off or on airplane mode) in case of an emergency. I can't call, text, browse or do anything else. I mean, with the international data and roaming plan I actually can do all of those things, but I'm consciously choosing not to. I just have it in case I need it and for no other reason. Remember that feeling? Think way back. At one point in our lives, we only had landlines at home. When cellphones became more common, they were only used to make and receive phone calls. That was the extent of it. I remember the first cellphone I ever got (after the ever so cool and completely useless/ridiculous pager era), it was my junior year in college, around 1999-2000. 14 years later, going even a few hours without my phone had become unfathomable. That's just not healthy. While I realize this makes me sound completely old, I'll openly admit that I often long for a simpler time when this device wasn't so much a part of my existence. Yes, I miss the good 'ole days. 

During this trip, I'm more than happy to give back the power that having a smartphone has given me all these years. I'm happy to disconnect and detox because I know that there's so much more I could be doing with myself here. And I know I need to make the absolute most of the time I have here. 

I wasn't sure what to expect. I thought the detox would be a shock to my system, but what I realize is that it has been a wonderful relief. I feel more present in my life. I've been relying only on myself and my own senses to see, hear, taste, smell and understand. I've been spending however many hours of the day EXPERIENCING everything and not until hours later when I'm back home resting, do I mentally rewind and start rehashing the experiences of the day in my writing. Do I think I could disconnect completely? I think I could. But that's not what I want to do. I want to be able to stay in touch with my family and friends and still know what's going on in the world. I've just been prioritizing my time with myself above anything else. 

How important has this been? Well, if I hadn't paid attention, if I had been looking down at my phone, I may not have noticed the beauty of this street vendor's flowers...
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I wouldn't have seen how blue the sky was or how the afternoon light was hitting the grand Vittorio Emanuele II Monument...
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Or how there's more than just Greek influence in Rome. I saw the Egyptian hieroglyphics on the obelisk in the Piazza del Popolo...
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I noticed the beauty and the every day simplicity of Roman life...
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I saw my neighbors as the sun was going down from my sixth floor balcony...
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This has been a tremendous task and it's helping me feel more present in every moment I've had out here. The last thing I would want, after all the time, money and effort I've put into this trip, is to miss it because I was on the phone the entire time. I want to be an active participant in every minute of my life and especially those minutes I'm spending out in these beautiful places these two months. It's been one whole week already, and I'm amazed at how time flies by. I look back on so many memories and this personal narrative that I've developed during this time and I realize how valuable it is and how much of it I've been able to absorb because and only because I've made the effort and I've eliminated a major source of distraction.

I'm learning a lot about myself in the meantime. For example. I always thought I had a terrible sense of direction, and my reliance on GPS and Google Maps were mandatory every time I needed to get somewhere. But here, the only thing I've allowed myself to rely on are a guidebook and a street map of Rome. And guess what? Somehow I've managed to get everywhere I've wanted to go, and find some beautiful gems along the way, based solely on my own sense of direction and ability to find myself on the paper map I'm holding in my hands. I can't tell you the sense of accomplishment I feel, having now proven to myself that my sense of direction is actually fairly sharp.

Now as much as all this has been an awakening, I do realize that when I'm back home and I'm working and things go back to a normal routine, it won't be as easy or even as practical to disconnect this frequently and for so many hours at a time. But that doesn't mean I won't keep trying to do so. I realize how important it is to live through every bit of the stuff that happens to us on a daily basis. Good, bad, divine, atrocious, whatever. We need to experience it all and when we're constantly living through our devices, we're missing out on a lot of it. We're more concerned about seeing what other people are doing or showing others what we're doing, and it's taking away from our own ability to do and see for ourselves. 

I'm thankful for every minute of digital detox I've experienced this past week and the many more minutes I'll experience in the weeks to come. I feel like I exist. I feel more susceptible to my own life. Instead of reaching for my iPhone every day, I'm reaching for a complete connection with my own existence, my feelings and my thoughts. Regardless of whether you're able to take a vacation from every day life or not, I encourage all of you to try to detox a little bit each day. Any little bit of time you spend away from your phone and your computer, whether it's to think quietly alone or give undivided attention to the people you love, is time that will make you feel more connected than any device ever could.   
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