The answer to the question, "Why are you taking this trip?" isn't a short one. But I've gotten it frequently enough over the last few months and especially these last 3 weeks, to want to address it on this blog.
As soon as anyone hears about my trip, they ask if my goal is to "find myself." It's a fair question. People have been known to use travel as a means of escape when they're confused, hurt, miserable and lost. But what a lot of people don't realize is that just because you get on a plane and go somewhere far away doesn't mean you'll come back feeling any better about yourself or knowing exactly who are you.
I don't take offense to the assumption that my primary purpose these two months is to find myself. But it's just that, an assumption. The thing is, I'm not lost. I didn't feel lost when I decided to take this trip, and I didn't feel lost right before I got on the plane. This isn't about finding something I don't have. It's about getting in touch with everything I do have.
Let me explain.
I'm an only child. I spent most of my childhood surrounded by more adults than children. The closest bonds I established as a kid were with adults. People always told me I was mature for my age. (Thanks, people!) But the thing is, I didn't really have a choice. I didn't know any other way to be. I was brought up to be strong. I was taught to be confident and to truly value myself. There have been times when I have forgotten the importance of having that value and respect for myself, but it's always temporary. I always end up remembering. But I think there is always room for improvement. There is always a need to see what you don't like about yourself and work towards changing it. No one should ever stop trying to better themselves. Life is a journey and the day you stop learning and growing and bettering yourself is the day you should just roll over and call it quits.
People always say that your 20s are for confusion and making mistakes so you can find yourself in your 30s. I don't think that applies to everyone. I think I found myself in my 20s. I can't tell you what year it was or in what moment I was confident I knew who Tina was, but I just knew. Maybe I knew long before that. Maybe I just didn't realize I had known all along, until I was in my 30s.
These last several years, I've taken risks and I've welcomed change. I opened myself up and took leaps. Sometimes those leaps lead me to a new chapter, sometimes I crashed and burned. But I did these things because I knew I could handle them and because I knew I would be better because of them. I'm now 34 and I've taken two months away for myself in order to refine the person I already am. They say, "Sometimes you win. Sometimes you learn." It couldn't be more true. I never want to stop learning about myself.
I'm traveling to become a better person. I'm putting myself in these situations so that I practice being 100 percent present in each moment, in my skin, in my head, to think and connect with my true self, all while outside of my bubble and my comfort zone. I believe this will ultimately help me be present in each moment when I return to that comfort zone. The point is, I'm challenging myself and it's bringing me closer to ME.
I'm trying to think before I speak, to take a breath before I react. To keep my demeanor calm and collected, even in the most frustrating of situations. To keep my voice low, even when my initial instinct is to scream. To slow down and not try to rush through each day. To keep my cool even when I'm dealing with others who aren't. To be positive and encourage positivity in others. To not let fear get the best of me in any situation. To be kind. To make an effort to listen not just talk. To realize that I can't control every situation and understand that what I can control are my actions and reactions. To live each day with humility and grace. To not only tell the people I love that I love them but to show them every day. These are all parts of myself that I haven't paid enough conscious attention to. These are all things I NEEDED to pay attention to. That's what this trip is about.
Regardless of all I've endured these last several years, I haven't lost myself. If anything, every year, I found out more about who I am through my experiences, my choices (whether they end up as triumphs or mistakes), and my reactions to the consequences of those choices. After coming off a tough year, I needed this reconnection. I needed to be my own mirror. The point is, the strong, self-respecting person inside me never went anywhere, she was just buried under a pile of negativity that she let accumulate the last few years. On this trip, I'm digging myself out.
The goal is to spend this time alone reconnecting with myself so successfully, that when I return home to my "normal" daily life, that connection will be so strong that I'll be able to continue refining myself on a daily basis, effortlessly and whole-heartedly.
So to answer the question, no. I'm not looking to find myself on this journey. I'm looking to better myself. And I think I'm well on my way.
As soon as anyone hears about my trip, they ask if my goal is to "find myself." It's a fair question. People have been known to use travel as a means of escape when they're confused, hurt, miserable and lost. But what a lot of people don't realize is that just because you get on a plane and go somewhere far away doesn't mean you'll come back feeling any better about yourself or knowing exactly who are you.
I don't take offense to the assumption that my primary purpose these two months is to find myself. But it's just that, an assumption. The thing is, I'm not lost. I didn't feel lost when I decided to take this trip, and I didn't feel lost right before I got on the plane. This isn't about finding something I don't have. It's about getting in touch with everything I do have.
Let me explain.
I'm an only child. I spent most of my childhood surrounded by more adults than children. The closest bonds I established as a kid were with adults. People always told me I was mature for my age. (Thanks, people!) But the thing is, I didn't really have a choice. I didn't know any other way to be. I was brought up to be strong. I was taught to be confident and to truly value myself. There have been times when I have forgotten the importance of having that value and respect for myself, but it's always temporary. I always end up remembering. But I think there is always room for improvement. There is always a need to see what you don't like about yourself and work towards changing it. No one should ever stop trying to better themselves. Life is a journey and the day you stop learning and growing and bettering yourself is the day you should just roll over and call it quits.
People always say that your 20s are for confusion and making mistakes so you can find yourself in your 30s. I don't think that applies to everyone. I think I found myself in my 20s. I can't tell you what year it was or in what moment I was confident I knew who Tina was, but I just knew. Maybe I knew long before that. Maybe I just didn't realize I had known all along, until I was in my 30s.
These last several years, I've taken risks and I've welcomed change. I opened myself up and took leaps. Sometimes those leaps lead me to a new chapter, sometimes I crashed and burned. But I did these things because I knew I could handle them and because I knew I would be better because of them. I'm now 34 and I've taken two months away for myself in order to refine the person I already am. They say, "Sometimes you win. Sometimes you learn." It couldn't be more true. I never want to stop learning about myself.
I'm traveling to become a better person. I'm putting myself in these situations so that I practice being 100 percent present in each moment, in my skin, in my head, to think and connect with my true self, all while outside of my bubble and my comfort zone. I believe this will ultimately help me be present in each moment when I return to that comfort zone. The point is, I'm challenging myself and it's bringing me closer to ME.
I'm trying to think before I speak, to take a breath before I react. To keep my demeanor calm and collected, even in the most frustrating of situations. To keep my voice low, even when my initial instinct is to scream. To slow down and not try to rush through each day. To keep my cool even when I'm dealing with others who aren't. To be positive and encourage positivity in others. To not let fear get the best of me in any situation. To be kind. To make an effort to listen not just talk. To realize that I can't control every situation and understand that what I can control are my actions and reactions. To live each day with humility and grace. To not only tell the people I love that I love them but to show them every day. These are all parts of myself that I haven't paid enough conscious attention to. These are all things I NEEDED to pay attention to. That's what this trip is about.
Regardless of all I've endured these last several years, I haven't lost myself. If anything, every year, I found out more about who I am through my experiences, my choices (whether they end up as triumphs or mistakes), and my reactions to the consequences of those choices. After coming off a tough year, I needed this reconnection. I needed to be my own mirror. The point is, the strong, self-respecting person inside me never went anywhere, she was just buried under a pile of negativity that she let accumulate the last few years. On this trip, I'm digging myself out.
The goal is to spend this time alone reconnecting with myself so successfully, that when I return home to my "normal" daily life, that connection will be so strong that I'll be able to continue refining myself on a daily basis, effortlessly and whole-heartedly.
So to answer the question, no. I'm not looking to find myself on this journey. I'm looking to better myself. And I think I'm well on my way.
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